If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Randomize
