A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
where are you?
Hypothermia
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
