oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
