Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
