Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
