yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
zippers are such a cool invention
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
