Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
