i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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