When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
