There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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