I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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