I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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