just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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