College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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