I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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