I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
His hands were made for my vagina.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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