ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
