they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Randomize
