and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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