you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
