I want to make a zoo with you.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
