I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
