I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
