that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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