can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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