"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
