maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
