They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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