Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
