just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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