walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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