Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
