wrigley field is MILF paradise
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
