I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
