i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
