Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
