Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
