one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
