Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
