its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
