You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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