Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
