Little spoons don't ask big questions
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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