Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
