what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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