Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
