When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
