You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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