I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
