Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
